My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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