I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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