I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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