puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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