Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have aggressive nipples.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
