So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
