i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
