He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
