I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
