Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
