ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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