I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
