my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
