I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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