Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
