so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
