i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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