There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
