I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
