I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
