I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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