you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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