I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
