I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
