I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
