i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
