I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
