I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
