But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
