I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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