Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
