Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
