there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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