I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
