I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
