Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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