And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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