I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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