We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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