I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
