Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
