He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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