Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
