That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
