you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just found a bag of teeth...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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