Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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