Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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