Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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