I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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