i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
