Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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