she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
