I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
