Cold hands, warm shart.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
