I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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