i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
